Wrong Without You
by morpolpunk
Summary: Fourth in my Ice at the Train Station series. Ron's POV. Songfic to I Miss You by Incubus. RonDraco, but there's nothing graphic.


**Disclaimer-** As always, the characters do not belong to me, they belong to JK Rowling. The lyrics are Incubus'.

**A/N the first-** This is the fourth installment in my Ice at the Train Station series. It would make the most sense if you read the previous three, Ice at the Train Station, Staring at my Shoes, and White Sheets.

I can remember some things. But they are more feelings and sensations than actual memories. I remember warmth in the darkness. And soft murmurs floating somewhere above where I could hear them. Soothing caresses that I didn't want to stop. It felt like lying in a dark room with thick blankets over my whole body, every vibration felt, just muffled. I think I felt you, without realizing you were there.

To see you when I wake up  
is a gift I didn't think could be real

But then when everything started to get lighter, I caught glimpses of you. Blond hair draped over fingers that covered your face. Your half-lidded eyes looking down at something in your hands. Your face very near me, with your eyes closed. It was never for very long, fleeting seconds of almost consciousness that would pass as soon as I could focus on you. But I saw you with your back to me as you opened the door, I'm vaguely aware of thinking you'd be coming back. When I woke up again, you weren't there. Everything was cool and quiet and uneasy. Something was supposed to be different. That's when I started to remember those little things.

to know that you feel the same as I do  
is a three-fold utopian dream

I found your letter not too long after I woke up. I would like to be able to say that I didn't cry. That I wasn't overwhelmed by the emotion that I read in it. That I didn't kick myself for not waking up sooner or for not calling out to you when I saw you leave. I've read it so many times I know every word. I hear you read it to me in my mind, almost like a memory. Your voice is warm and deep and soothing. Sometimes it cracks and at the end, tears choke your words. I never thought I'd hear your cold voice speak so passionately. I've convinced myself it's my imagination but it sounds so real.

You do something to me  
that I can't explain

I don't have words to put to the feelings that are welling up inside me. Your letter was emotional and eloquent. Two things that I can't be at the same time. There is a part of me that is euphoric to know that you have such strong feelings for me. I knew there was something, but the power of your emotion surprised me at first. You've never shown much emotion other than pride and distain. So it was a bit of a shocker. But to know someone feels such intense feelings for me... it's something I've never had before. I mean, besides family and they don't count. And Harry, but he counts as family too I guess. Then there's Hermione. Well, let's just say that I've never had someone care so much about me in an other than platonic way. Huh... told you I wasn't eloquent. It's just...I'm not used to anyone other than them caring about me so much. Knowing how you feel has made me more... confident in the way I feel about you. It's like I was reigning in my heart so you couldn't carry it away but now it has no bounds. I feel free to be happy and hopeful.

so would I be out of line, if I said  
I miss you

There is another part of me though, and it's angry. Angry at you for being so selfish and self-centered. You might have thought leaving me was the right thing to do or the selfless thing to do but why the bloody hell didn't you wait to find out how I felt about it. How could you sacrifice what we might have together because you feel bad? I always thought you were clever but I'm seeing a bit of stupidity showing through. How on earth does that make even a bit of sense? Why couldn't you have stayed and let me make the decision. I think I could come up with something better than you walking out on me before I wake up and leaving a cowardly note to say I love you but I can't be with you. How about staying and making it up to me for a very long time? Did it ever occur to you that I don't want anybody else? That maybe you do bring out good things in me even though you're too blind to see it? I'm so angry I just want to grab you and shake you until you start to make sense. I just don't see how you could have done it.

I see your picture, I smell your skin on  
the empty pillow next to mine

There is one other part of me, something that surprises me. I feel that there is a hole now where you should be. I feel something missing inside me and I wonder if you took it with you when you left. I've always felt whole. That nothing was missing in my life. But somehow, in the few encounters we have had since you became Draco, you took possession of what must have been my heart. It's yours now. But I want you back. I need to be whole again. And I don't think I can be, without you.

you have only been gone ten days  
but already I am wasting away

I'm amazed at the mountain of emotions that your letter sprung on me. I'm thinking my emotional range is a bit bigger than a teaspoon now. But all I can do is sit here and marinate in my anger and happiness alternatively and I'm beginning to think it might not be too healthy. Don't think for a minute that, if I could, I wouldn't be running to find you right now. But as it is, they won't let me leave and all I can do is sit here and think. Or yell at you because you're not here. I have to say I've been doing a lot of that as well.

I know I'll see you again  
whether far or soon

I've talked to my friends. I told them everything. I had to be honest with them if I'm going to go through with it. And I need their help. Hermione can do anything. To be honest, they were a little shocked at first. Ha, Harry fell off his chair. Maybe I should have started by saying I liked boys in general instead of just admitting I'd slept with Malfoy. But they handled it pretty well. They know about what you did for us in the war and they're opinion of you was already rising. I'm not sure they believed that I understand what I feel but no matter how hard I tried to convince them, they said it's probably a phase. But they were happy to finally be enlightened about what'd been bothering me for so long. They were worried about me I guess. They said they were willing to help me, when I asked. They said no one knew where you were. That you'd kind of disappeared. And with the fortune that had been left to you, you could be anywhere. I'm not worried though, with my determination and Harry and Hermione to help me, we'll find you in no time. And then, Draco, I'm never letting you go again.

I need you to know that I care  
and I miss you

So I have you to look forward to. I'm holding on to the idea that I'm going to find you and everything will be all right just like I said. But it's hard for right now. I...I miss you. As surprising as that may sound, I miss you. They tell me I need to work on getting better, but it would be so much easier if you were here. You wouldn't let me mope and feel sorry for myself and accomplish nothing. I miss you so much. I need you here. You would motivate me and call me a stupid weasel and everything would be right again. Because, somehow, everything just feels wrong without you.

**A/N the second- **First of all, this one isn't quite like the others. At least it doesn't feel like it to me. I used I miss you by Incubus because that song is how I envision this. That song feels like morning to me, just waking up and contemplating things. I would definitely recommend listening to it. Enough for my Incubus plug... Again, sorry for the lack of anything physical but it just doesn't belong yet. The fifth and final installment, Of Coffee and Conquests, is done so go read it right now! I really appreciate all the reviews. You guys rock! So that's it and thanks for reading!


End file.
